PD Reflection

Last week, DigCit was roped into doing professional development for teachers. And on a half day, no less! However, reflecting on the session and the feedback that we recieved afterwards, I feel quite positive about how the whole thing went. It was pretty fun while it was going on- even teachers act like kids when they get the chance- and being able to teach them was an interesting role reversal.

I along with Lena presented an app called Peardeck. I personally very much enjoy using it, and I hope that came through in the presentation we gave. I had a good time showing off all the tools that it has, and explaining its potential to encourage participation and engage students during an otherwise boring lecture. The teachers seemed to like it as well- one came to me afterwards saying that I'd 'converted' her, and another even mentioned me by name in their feedback! I have a feeling I know who that was, but I'm not entirely certain.

However, as seems to be a trend with me and presentations, I forgot to mention some of the things that I meant to say. There's just so much I had to say and afterwards with some of the questions I recieved I got a little flustered, to say the least. I'd like to work on that, and even perhaps do some more PD sessions in order to increase my comfort level with talking about really anything at all.

I would have liked to have taken a position on my own project, of course- I think we all would have- but not doing that was fine. In fact, it was nice to give myself a crash course in something and then turn around and throw it at teachers while trying to convince them to use it. There's been as yet no safe space kit arriving at my door, and I'm starting to think it might not happen, but who knows. Pope Francis's arrival in DC appears to have disrupted even the postal service.

I hope any teachers reading this will respond and tell me what they thought or what they heard from other departments. While it's nice to have the positive feeback from the survey, constructive criticism is important too, and it's essential to improving at anything. My presentation skills especially need some work- so feel free to be honest. And students who encounter Nearpod, Peardeck, or vertical learning through Schoology discussions soon, talk about it! Say what you do and don't like, to teachers as well as your peers. This whole PD was about us. Let's make sure the implementation continues to be.

Links to Tools:

 

Peardeck: https://www.peardeck.com

Nearpod: https://www.nearpod.com

A Week of MARK ZUCKERBERG!

I'll admit, I've been a bit falling-down this week on my passion project. I've been bogged down with other work and trying to juggle my emotional health, but this Sunday I've been more able to get around to and reflect on my work. Honestly, I've been wanting more and more to incorporate the idea of how prevalent mental health disorders are among MOGAI youth and adults, so I'll probably insert that into my project proposal revisions.

In fact, let's talk about mental illness. Let's talk about how when my brother told my parents about having depression- something it took immense courage to do- they were silent for long minutes, and he did not cry. After, however, when he shouted into the void, he said he'd been crying the hardest he had in months. 

Let's talk about how it took the life of two people I didn't know very well, and yet I could ache for them, and feel empty for them, and understand that all they wanted was to escape from a pain that seemed otherwise unbearable but their deaths sent shockwaves through thousands of people who would have loved to see them live.

Let's talk about how the only way I could pay tribute was to run to the arms of those thousands of people, and how still I'm not sure of my humanity because of the way I process grief.

Depression and anxiety are the two main problems in my life, but there are those struggling with more serious things- bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and more- who are still human, still trying to keep it together, still trying to fight the 'crazy' and 'insane' and 'weirdo' and worse that still stigmatize them.

Depression isn't something that you can just say 'I want to stop being sad!' and suddenly be happy. It's so painful for me, feeling the world's agony as well as an immensity of my own, that I'm often numb instead of sad, even. It wrecks my eating and sleeping habits, my relationships with people, my ability to do the things I love and are good for me- especially schoolwork and exercise.

Anxiety feeds off of and back into depression, exponentially increasing my fear of faliure at simple tasks. When I'm not perfect, then I must be worthless, I must be stupid, there must be no reason to value myself. It's as paralyzing as my depression.

And yet, there are people who are suffering so much more than me. I'm blessed to be able to say this at all. But I want to say this, to destigmatize we who fight every day a battle someone neurotypical can't quite imagine.

I just want people to understand. I can say this here, at the professional development session that I will be helping to orchestrate, in places where there are people I trust to believe and be gentle with us. Below I'll link several organizations that help fight mental illness and even try to find a good cure.

Please, at least open a discussion. Let students speak their minds, and you might be surprised at what you might find. Be patient when there aren't words to describe what we're going through, and when we simply can't speak for fear or for whatever else compels us to be nonverbal.

Try to find that within yourself, and try to treat us all like human beings. That's all anyone wants, I think.

Links & Resources:

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance: http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home

Anxiety and Depression Association of America: http://www.adaa.org

National Alliance on Mental Illness: http://www.nami.org

List of helplines around the world: http://herestotheteenss.tumblr.com/post/129593832355

I Am Asexual

I wrote this in the game room at TOY during the poetry slam earlier tonight, inspired by the truth that so many others freely shared. I'm not sure if it's a poem or a monologue or prose- it's just a response to their truth with my own. Take it as you will.

I am asexual.

The world told me for so long that I wasn't quite right, that I should see others in the way I wanted to see flushed cheeks and clothes coming off, but I could not. So many of my friends' obsessions, and I looked at them and they looked like any other. I pretended men were hot, one after the other and so many names and faces that I just couldn't care about in the same way as they did.

I don't remember defining myself. I don't remember the day that I found a word that could be me.

The media sure as hell never told me. I cannot be defined with cold and cruel white men whose assurance in their superiority over their fellow man and woman make them so, so alone.

I am a creature born of love, and I love so strongly it breaks my heart. My friends and family, two groups that have always overlapped, have grown to know me for who I am. 

And who I am is love, laughter, child of light with the stars in her eyes and no need to have sex with someone to love them more deeply than the so many words in my head can say. I hold the sun in my hand and the moon dances down my veins and love without sex, that's the only thing I want.

I've never found that in someone who will hold my hand and kiss my forehead and wipe my tears when I cry and walk my path with my hand in hers, but I think that if I cound them I would be the happiest girl in my ever-expanding universe.

I am still learning to love myself for who I am. There are so many days and nights when the real world, damn you, crushes me beneath its weight, but ice cold and red lines on my skin and the warmth of a small body next to me can hold me up until I can truly be free.

I am asexual.

And I am me.

A Twitter Chat of My Own

Yesterday in class, our class along with some other teachers and interested parties participated in a twitter chat based around digital citizenship and what it means to us. It's really my first time using twitter, so I was a little off, but it was interesting and good to see so many ideas flowing. Yesterday's twitter chat happened on #lncdigcit, and my brand-shiny-new twitter is @LuathUidhe, for the interested.

If I could run one for myself, it'd probably be based around discussing how being MOGAI and mental health entwine. They are often closely related, especially down here in the Bible Belt, so speaking to others who deal with both on the daily would have some potential for learning and catharsis. 

Having a certain amount of people there would allow people to communicate with others both like and unlike them, connecting from places that they wouldn't perhaps have encountered otherwise. That's the power of social media in general. And as I stated before, being able to connect with other people would let them make friends and inform others about their own experiences. 

This would obviously relate to my passion project, allowing education through social media while simply catalyzing instead of directly doing it myself. I don't know how effective it would be, how many people would actually be interested, but the world's a big place, after all. Who knows?

Last week, I said I'd be searching for a mentor at TOY, and I got the email of a few people who might be willing to help. That can be further nailed down, of course, but it's a step in the right direction. Everyone I talked to was very positive and excited, especially at the prospect of starting a GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance) at our school. I'll have to look more into that- I believe there's already a movement to do so, I'm just not involved in or informed about it- but there's places I can go.

Even when other duties and distractions are shoving me down hard, there's hope.

Clarifying Projects

Oh my god, my Shark Tank presentation was so bad. It was a little bitty baby step ahead of crashing and burning. I stammered through it, forgot what I was going to say at several points, and got quite a lot of blank stares, though that last one wasn't entirely unintentional.

But you know what? I'm better for it. Practice makes perfect, as they say, and though my public speaking skills right near are nowhere as good as I'd like them to be, I'd like to think I'm getting better. Slowly. Oh-so-slowly.

Besides that, I did more research on MOGAI-positive movements and found so many cool things. I'll be the first to admit I was leaning towards my bias when I googled 'ace(1) recognition movement', but I found the dates of this year's Ace Week (October 19th-25th, for the curious) and I also found a more generalized day that promotes awareness and the fight against the constant microaggressions levied against MOGAI people, especially in school.

GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, asks students to take part in the Day of Silence(2,3) every year. It is a day in which students stay silent for their whole school day, and even in their outside life, in order to represent the forced silence of the MOGAI community. I plan to bring this day to the school administration and encourage students to participate. Of course, this may be disruptive to classes, but it may also present opportunities for learning for the participant's peers, family, and teachers.

But that's in the future. Right now, I'm still searching for a mentor, trying to add detail to my written proposal, wondering about how exactly I'm going to sketch out a proper event at the end of the year.

That's why by next Friday, I plan to go to Time Out Youth, Charlotte's major MOGAI safe space, several times so that I can interact more with both adults and my peers there. I'm almost certain I can find a mentor there, and besides, video game night is always fun. They're also probably a good place to bounce ideas off of for my year-long project. 

In addition to all this, GLSEN is giving away 2,000 Safe Space equipment boxes for schools to ensure the comfort of MOGAI students going into their new school year. I've entered their contest (drawing? I believe it's along those lines, it wasn't too clear) and I hope to get one for our school as well as letting friends at other schools know about this initiative. I'll put the link to the giveaway/contest/drawing/whatever is as link 4 down with the others, if you're interested.

Keeping my fellow students informed and comfortable in their learning environment is a top priority for me, and that can happen- it's just going to take a little work. That's work I'm willing to put in, but I'd be grateful if some others- student or teacher- stepped forward to help me pitch my idea, or even to be a sounding board for what I'm going to say.

References & Resources:

1. http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Asexual_slang#Ace

2. http://www.dayofsilence.org/resources/

3. https://twitter.com/dayofsilence

4. http://action.glsen.org/page/s/ssk-giveaway