I'll admit, I've been a bit falling-down this week on my passion project. I've been bogged down with other work and trying to juggle my emotional health, but this Sunday I've been more able to get around to and reflect on my work. Honestly, I've been wanting more and more to incorporate the idea of how prevalent mental health disorders are among MOGAI youth and adults, so I'll probably insert that into my project proposal revisions.
In fact, let's talk about mental illness. Let's talk about how when my brother told my parents about having depression- something it took immense courage to do- they were silent for long minutes, and he did not cry. After, however, when he shouted into the void, he said he'd been crying the hardest he had in months.
Let's talk about how it took the life of two people I didn't know very well, and yet I could ache for them, and feel empty for them, and understand that all they wanted was to escape from a pain that seemed otherwise unbearable but their deaths sent shockwaves through thousands of people who would have loved to see them live.
Let's talk about how the only way I could pay tribute was to run to the arms of those thousands of people, and how still I'm not sure of my humanity because of the way I process grief.
Depression and anxiety are the two main problems in my life, but there are those struggling with more serious things- bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and more- who are still human, still trying to keep it together, still trying to fight the 'crazy' and 'insane' and 'weirdo' and worse that still stigmatize them.
Depression isn't something that you can just say 'I want to stop being sad!' and suddenly be happy. It's so painful for me, feeling the world's agony as well as an immensity of my own, that I'm often numb instead of sad, even. It wrecks my eating and sleeping habits, my relationships with people, my ability to do the things I love and are good for me- especially schoolwork and exercise.
Anxiety feeds off of and back into depression, exponentially increasing my fear of faliure at simple tasks. When I'm not perfect, then I must be worthless, I must be stupid, there must be no reason to value myself. It's as paralyzing as my depression.
And yet, there are people who are suffering so much more than me. I'm blessed to be able to say this at all. But I want to say this, to destigmatize we who fight every day a battle someone neurotypical can't quite imagine.
I just want people to understand. I can say this here, at the professional development session that I will be helping to orchestrate, in places where there are people I trust to believe and be gentle with us. Below I'll link several organizations that help fight mental illness and even try to find a good cure.
Please, at least open a discussion. Let students speak their minds, and you might be surprised at what you might find. Be patient when there aren't words to describe what we're going through, and when we simply can't speak for fear or for whatever else compels us to be nonverbal.
Try to find that within yourself, and try to treat us all like human beings. That's all anyone wants, I think.
Links & Resources:
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance: http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home
Anxiety and Depression Association of America: http://www.adaa.org
National Alliance on Mental Illness: http://www.nami.org
List of helplines around the world: http://herestotheteenss.tumblr.com/post/129593832355
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