This week has been...difficult. I've been struggling with getting a handle on my mental health, and though I'm making baby steps towards getting better, my grades, my work ethic, and my mood are taking a serious dive.
But in DigCit, we've been talking about having a sort of 'growth mindset' and the idea that if you fail, it's okay, you can try again. We discussed how that manifests itself, and we especially talked about how our education system- and a lot of the environment at our school- doesn't encourage the 'growth mindset'. I find myself too often these days in a more fixed sort of mindset. I don't know how to change that. I know that it's through a lot of factors that I believe it- but I know there needs to be a change, or kids who are still going through middle school will have these poisonous ideas as well.
It's partly me and my perfectionism. It's partly teachers who belittle and condescend to percieved 'less intelligent' students. It's partly America's standardized testing, that enforces the idea that you must have this one skill- test-taking- or you won't get anywhere in life.
I'm just a student, albeit one who has that test-taking skill. I don't know how to change our education system for the better. I look at other countries and see students at least happier, if going through no less challenging work than I am.
I want to make a change. But my fixed mindset- the insidious idea that I am one among millions and billions, such a small part of the machine- that hampers me, even when I summon the will to fight it.
It's a Herculean struggle every day to get up, go to school, do my work. Sometimes I fail at it, and punish myself for it, seeing the mess I've made of my life. There's still hope, though. Right now, I'm okay. I'm still here. And to anyone else who struggles the same way I do: you can do this too. You'll be okay. And I know how ineffectual and small and empty that sounds, but it's true.
We can get through this together, and together we can make a change in history.
Your post resonates so much with me. I've been making a conscious effort to transition to a mindset of growth this year, but it's so hard! Perfectionism can be rather debilitating, can't it? We punish ourselves too much. Whatever you're going through, know that you are not alone and that the things you are doing make a difference. You matter!
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